


(Don't) Hesitate

by m_barcelona



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, I can't believe that's a real tag but its the Big Mood of this fic, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith is super dreamy and Lance is Weak, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance is an idiot, M/M, POV Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Space Mom Allura (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_barcelona/pseuds/m_barcelona
Summary: "He’s never prepared for it. Despite seeing Keith day after day, Lance is always caught off guard by his careless beauty. The way the muscles in his arms flex, revealed by that tight black shirt he always wears; the dark lashes that frame brilliant eyes; the delicate structure of his face, so deceptive in its apparent fragility. Lance’s breath catches in his throat at the sight of him, and he realizes all at once that he’s been an idiot. Of course he loves Keith. But not in the way he loves the others."In which Lance loves his all teammates, but has a hard time loving himself.





	(Don't) Hesitate

**Author's Note:**

> alternately: five times Lance hesitates and the one time he doesn't
> 
> the setting is mid-season 3

Sitting on the floor of the observation deck beneath the vast windows, Lance studies the stars. He tries to remember when this – being surrounded by the untouched beauty of deep space - stopped feeling like a privilege and more like a prison, but he can’t. He used to think he’d only be happy exploring the cosmos, but now he would give anything for just one more day on Earth. 

It gets to him, sometimes. He tries so hard to be the lighthearted goofball, to always be the one to lighten the mood, but it’s not easy. He misses his family: his parents and his siblings and his little nieces and nephews. His misses warm sun and clear waters. He misses the rain. 

He misses when things were easier. When he always knew the right thing to say. 

His stomach twists at the memory of his most recent outburst. Seeing Allura and Keith doubled over in laughter over some silly joke one of them had made... he just couldn’t handle it. He snapped at them for goofing off, spitting some nonsense about how they have more important things to be doing. He drops his head into his hands at the memory of the shock and hurt on their faces. He knows they didn’t deserve that. It just… it seems as if everyone has formed deep bonds onboard, and Lance can’t help but feel like the loose end. The spare. 

And Keith. _Keith_. He fits in so well. When he called himself “the loner,” Lance wanted to strangle him. How could he not see how everyone adores him? Even Allura, who used to be so dedicated to hating every single Galra that she couldn’t even stand to be around Keith, can laugh and joke with him now. Lance wants nothing more than to have that bond with someone. _With Keith_. The thought startles him, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it before a voice interrupts his sulking. 

“Mind if I join you?” The question startles Lance out of his brooding. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn’t even heard the door open. He glances up to see Allura standing a few feet away from him, waiting patiently for an answer with a soft expression. He hesitates for a moment, then reluctantly nods his consent. 

As Allura settles down on the floor next to Lance, Lance is immediately filled with shame. He knows he shouldn’t have yelled at Allura earlier. Yet, somehow, she doesn’t look angry. 

They sit in silence for what feels like hours, until finally Lance speaks. “I’m… I’m sorry, Allura. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. You have every right to be angry.” He winces at how pathetic he sounds, but he doesn’t regret the apology. 

Something like pity flashes in Allura’s eyes. “I’m not angry, Lance. Not at all. In fact… I think I understand what’s going on.” 

Lance looks at her, waiting for the princess to elaborate. 

Allura sighs at Lance’s lack of response. “I just… I know how lonely it can get. When you’re in a room full of people, and you feel like the odd one out. But, Lance, that’s not what’s happening here. I promise. We’re a family. I love Keith, and I’m not afraid to say that.” Lance’s eyes widen for a moment, but Allura continues her explanation without hesitation. “He’s like a brother to me,” she says pointedly, and Lance’s heart returns to its normal rhythm. “And Pidge – she’s like the little sister I’ve always wanted. You’re all like family to me. No one is picking favorites, and I don’t love any one of you more than another. You paladins, as well as Coran, are all I have now.” 

Lance contemplates that for a moment. He feels guilt begin to swell up inside him again, thick enough to choke on. How could he have been so self-centered? Of course Allura has it worse. Who is he to complain about missing Earth, when Allura’s home planet doesn’t even _exist_ anymore? He looks away from the princess to hide his face, burning red with shame at the realization of his selfishness. He opens his mouth to apologize again, but she cuts him off. 

“Don’t. I know what you’re thinking, and that’s not how this works. My pain doesn’t invalidate yours.” 

Lance draws his legs up to his chest and hugs his arms around them, and still refuses to meet her gaze. “I guess you’re right. I just…I don’t know. I spend so much time being a, well, a _goofball_ that it feels like that’s all I am anymore. Like that’s all anyone can see me as.” 

Allura puts her hand on his shoulder, and his finally raises his eyes to meet hers. “Your teammates love you, Lance. We all do.” Lance scoffs at that, but she cuts him off before he can protest. “Yes, _all_ of us. And you’re bound to feel the same way about us, too.” She looks at him for a moment, as if weighing her next words carefully. “Do you love Hunk?” 

“Well, yeah, of course,” Lance replies. “Hunk is my best friend!” 

“Do you love Pidge?” 

“I mean, yeah, she’s like a sister to me. I would do anything for her.” 

“And do you love Keith?” 

Lance opens his mouth to answer, but finds himself hesitating. He can’t seem to find the words. It should be the same, shouldn’t it? But, for some reason, he can’t say it. The words catch in his throat, and his breath all but stops. He doesn’t understand his own reaction, and silently curses his own brain and lungs and vocal cords for betraying him like this. 

Allura smiles softly at his silence, and once again places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “One day, you won’t have to hesitate.” 

Lance, lost in thought at her cryptic promise, hardly notices when Allura gets up and quietly slips out of the room. 

A thought begins to form in his mind, an idea that he can hardly admit to himself. A realization, maybe. He shakes it off. He can’t deal with that now. Right now, all that matters is that he fixes things with Keith. He knows he can never have that friendship with him, the bond he so desperately wants, if he allows their petty arguments to go unchecked. He hesitates briefly, wondering if he should just wait until Keith forgets about his outburst altogether instead of apologizing, but eventually resigns himself to the embarrassment of an outright apology. 

Standing outside of Keith’s door, Lance can’t bring himself to knock. Allura’s words echo in his mind, and he tries to find solace in them. These people are his family, right? So why can’t he just knock on the damn door? His traitorous hand keeps hesitating, no matter how hard he tries. He rests his head against the door for a moment, takes in a deep breath, and knocks quickly before he can chicken out. He takes a step back from the door and waits for what feels like a lifetime before the door opens and he’s face-to-face with Keith. 

He’s never prepared for it. Despite seeing Keith day after day, Lance is always caught off guard by his careless beauty. The way the muscles in his arms flex, revealed by that tight black shirt he always wears; the dark lashes that frame brilliant eyes; the delicate structure of his face, so deceptive in its apparent fragility. Lance’s breath catches in his throat at the sight of him, and he realizes all at once that he’s been an idiot. Of course he loves Keith. But not in the way he loves the others. No, it’s more than that now. _Different,_ he amends. It’s not stronger than his love for his other teammates, but not comparable, either. He tries to think back to when things changed, but he can’t seem to remember. From the very first day at the Garrison, things have always been different when he’s around Keith. He used to think it was jealousy, then rivalry, and recently a kind of respect, but all of that was a flimsy attempt to hide the truth from himself. 

Keith clears his throat. “Was there something you wanted?” 

Lance’s heart skips a beat. Had he been staring? He had definitely been staring. He scratches the back of his head – a nervous habit – and looks sheepishly at Keith, the goofy expression a flimsy guise to hide his recent revelation and the pounding of his heart. “Can I come in?” 

Keith looks at him for a moment, then wordlessly steps out of his way and motions him in. Lance tries desperately to quell his anxiety. It’s just Keith. His friend, his teammate, his rival. It doesn’t matter that he has beautiful eyes or soft hair or a laugh that could make angels weep. Lance groans internally. How did he deny it for so long? He tries to shake off the thought. He’s here to apologize, and he won’t let these feelings get in the way. 

Keith comes in and sits down on the edge of his bed, and gestures for Lance to do the same. These rooms aren’t exactly ideal for two people to talk in, and don’t provide a lot of options for heart-to-hearts, at least in terms of seating. Lance reluctantly takes a seat on the bed, taking care to keep enough distance between himself and Keith. 

Now that Lance is here, words fail him. He can’t bring himself to meet Keith’s eyes. His brief hesitation stretches on, until the moment becomes uncomfortably long. Keith is studying his hands, and Lance looks determinedly at the wall. Finally, he clears his throat. May as well jump right in, right? 

“Hey man, I’m really sorry about what I said earlier,” he starts out. Keith’s head jerks up slightly at the sound of his voice, as if the silence had been so long that he had given up on expecting Lance to speak. His brow furrows when he processes Lance’s words, but he doesn’t interrupt. Lance takes that as a sign to keep talking. 

“I just- it’s- sometimes it gets hard to see everyone like that, laughing and getting along and having a good time, when I just feel like a fifth wheel. Or a seventh wheel. And neither of those is a good wheel to be, Keith.” He knows he’s rambling, but he can’t find a way to slow his words. “It just seems like you fit in so well and you’re really cool even though you call yourself a loner and Pidge was right, I am just a goofball, and no one really wants to have a goofball around all the time, so I can’t do that, okay? I can’t do what you do and fit in so well with everyone, and I know that’s not an excuse, _I know_ , I really do, but I wanted to explain that I didn’t blow up like that because I hate you or anything – because I don’t hate you, I never could – it’s more like it’s because I hate me, maybe, and how I know that I can never be an important member of this team, that I can never be the leader or the cool ninja sharpshooter, or else anything besides the guy who makes unfunny jokes and bad pick-up lines.” He takes a deep breath, cheeks burning with embarrassment at his rushed and lengthy apology. Keith’s eyes are so wide that Lance swears he can see galaxies in them, but maybe he’s always seen the stars there. He can’t quite remember, suddenly. 

Keith looks at him like that, eyes wide and unguarded, for a moment before his expression softens into something entirely new. “What are you _talking_ about? Of course you’re important. You’re compassionate and empathetic and you know how to make someone feel better whenever they’re feeling down. Don’t underestimate your own value.” His voice is gentler than Lance has ever heard it, and he doesn’t know what to think. 

Lance is shocked into silence by Keith’s words, and the tone of voice he used to say them. He’s never heard Keith compliment him once in his entire life, and this is all just too much to handle. He drops his eyes to study his feet dangling off Keith’s bed, rather than having to face this uncomfortable show of emotion. He’s sure that Keith can hear his pounding heart, or see the bright flush that’s working its way up Lance’s neck. He needs to get out of here before he says something to ruin this moment, before he embarrasses himself beyond repair. 

“Lance –” Keith’s voice, closer this time, finally makes him look back up. Lance’s breath catches in his throat at the sight that greets him; Keith’s face is inches away from his own, eyes searching and concerned. His heart all but stops when Keith’s gaze flits down to his lips, so quick he could have imagined it. Keith meets his eyes, and Lance can see the blush that colors his cheeks, a perfect mirror of his own. 

He wants to pinch himself, so he can know for sure that this is real. He wants to stop, pull back, and ask Keith to clarify, to make sure he isn’t reading this entirely wrong. He wants to run from the room and never look back, to avoid taking the final leap of faith and risking everything. He wants to lean in and close the short distance between them. He wants to remember this moment for the rest of his life. He doesn’t know what he wants. He knows exactly what he wants. 

Lance recalls Allura’s words. This time, he won’t hesitate. 

And when he leans in, heart pounding and eyes fluttering closed, Keith meets him halfway.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic, so please feel free to leave any thoughts/questions/concerns in the comments! I know the pacing might be a little weird but that's just how it be sometimes, my friends. Thanks for reading!


End file.
